Mother-Daughter relationships

I hate you

whore

$itch

if you date him it'll make you popular

these people are lower than you

the "evil" eye when you go out in public

the list of actions you are to follow when attending events

boy crazy

They don't care about you



As anyone else heard these comments from their mom? Well I don't know about anyone else but these comments, the list of actions, the "evil" eye cuz you laughed are just down right hateful!



My first post is going to be about mother-daughter relationships just how important are they?

My answer is VERY! I grew up without any real positive upbringing. I've missed out on alot of things because of this. I started doing some research on this today so I knew what I wanted to post, some is from personal experience and some is professional. I don't want this post to sound like it's a slander toward my mom, I know I could have had worse.

My mom and I have also had a tense relationship, I'm not sure why though and I don't think I'm ever going to know. the tension between us has always been there since I can remember. I started reading an article today from the discovery health channel and the second paragraph starts out with when you're five, she's a goddess. You smear your face with her lipstick and model her earrings and high heels, wanting to be just like mommy. I don't remember feeling that way. I'm not sure Leesha ever put my earrings on and I know she didn't wear my high heels cuz I've never owned any. In the article it stats how through the different ages of the daughter the relationship with mom becomes different, it goes on to say that between your twenties and thirties if your lucky your mom becomes your best friend again. Well I'm not lucky. My mom is not my best friend and I don't think I've ever considered her a friend. She was very hard on me with her words and her "looks". All of this makes me glad that I'm now an adult. It's taken me along time to realize that my mom didn't want memories of me and her doing things together or she would have helped make them, but I've made the decision that I will not make the same mistake with my own children (babies as I call them). This is where I can see God's work in my life, he has opened my eyes at a young age to realize the ways that I don't want to be and I've tried to always be the way that God has put upon my heart to be. According to Laura Tracy ph.d. a family therapist who specializies in counseling mothers and daughters and has written books on the relationships between women. "Will the mother accept the daughter as an adult? That means, when she's visiting you, does she let you run your house? Does she trust you to be independent on small issues as well as large-who are you with, what's your sexuality (this is another subject I would like to discuss), where do you work, how do you spend your money? Letting the daughter be her own woman is a universal issue," she explains. My mom and I have a very anger filled relationship and Dr. Tracy put it best when she said "They can't hear each other. the daughter will hear the mother say something and she'll think, 'She wants to control me'. An the mother is saying something that is absolutely controlling, but is not meant to be." Meanwhile, when the daughter speaks the mother hears nothing but anger - in a comment that does indeed convey anger but also "Ilove you, and can't we do this differently?" Boy I do I know these feelings. My mom always says that she don't know how to say things and sometimes I think she's right but other times she just says what she wants and dares me ( at 37) to talk back to her. there have been many suggestions from people to talk it out with her but when I tried I was told that I was either lieing, making false assumptions or to just "get over it" according to my mom this is the famous Joyce Meyer comment. I'm sorry but I don't think Joyce Meyer meant for that to be said to our children! I've watched my mom's face light up when certain things have happened to me, when Charlie and I seperated 11 years ago my mom did nothing to contact me, anytime their phone number came up on caller id and I would answer it, it was always dad calling to see how we were not my mom. I'll have another post on father daughter realationships too. During this time I was told that I was dumb for trying to save my marriage, he doesn't want me anymore, I look back and am so thankful that I listened to God instead. When Charlie and I first got married I had a real hard time making decisions cuz they were always made for me, ya know I always made the wrong the choice. One thing that makes me the angriest is that when I was going through something she always acted as though she never had "those feelings". I remember her asking me several times if I was gay because I would get so involved in my friends. What kinda question is that? Juanita Johnson a New York -based therapist and storyteller says that the best give a mother and daughter can give eachother is the permission to be themselves, the daughter can be who she wants to be because the mother is who she wants to be---did ya get that?, the daughter CAN be because the mother IS! There is an example in the story about a mother giving her young daughters the chance to make decisions, this is exactly what I try to do with Leesha, I don't want her to be so insecure with herself that she's afraid to make decisions on her own, I feel she needs to know that the decisions she makes, right or wrong I'm always here for her, there's times when I'll be angry with her but that doesn't change the way I feel about her and her choices that she's made. I just got done reading about about being a Titus 2 woman, here's the verse in the bible that explains what it is(it explains the qualities of a sound church) 3: the older women likewise, that they be reverent in behavior, not slanderers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things-4: that they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, 5: to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, the the word of God may not e blasphemed.
According to Donna Otto, author of Between women of God, this is what the older women are supposed to do for the younger women. Now I know that God don't make mistakes and that I was created to be my mother's daughter, that don't mean that I understand why sometimes. I was raised up being told that children are a gift from God, why then did she not want a good relationship with me? I know that God didn't make a mistake when he gave me to my mom and I know that I don't have to answer for her. Not all mother daughter relationships are going to be perfect, mine isn't with Leesha and she's only 9 so I'm sure it will get even more difficult but I pray that we still value eachother and our relationship as she grows into a woman and a Godly woman is what I would like to see the most from her. She is MY gift and I pray that I raise her the way God wants me too, that I teach her that things that she needs to know in order to have a successful life full of enjoyment and love. When she's a mother I hope she looks back and can see how important our relationship was and is to me! I love you Leesha and you are my best friend! Go and live your life according to God!