Yesturday I posted about a argument that I had with my dad. I've really been struggling with the honor your mother and father commandment for awhile now (it's actually been a few years) and I'm really trying to live a life that is pleasing to God, and with that arugment I'm not sure God would have been pleased.



I've come to realize that when I get angry I lose control of my emotions. Anger is something that I express more freely than anything else. This is what I was reading this morning and that's the reason for this post http://proverbs31devotions.blogspot.com/. Please click on repent, restart and repeat to get the message.My kids are a weakness for me but Satan doesn't get the chance to use them too much against me I think it's mostly because they are prayed over constantly, my relationship with my parents is a complete weakness cuz I've always seemed to struggle for acceptance from them which I've never really been able to obtain so satan uses them against me alot.



I will depend on God until he changes my heart toward forgivness with my parents and others that have hurt me deeply, it's all have I to stand on, nothing else can fix what God can fix and I'm secure with that. He is the voice of truth and love.

I need to understand that many have been abused, some worse than me, some not as much but at the same time we as humans with our human emotions have a hard time looking past the nose on our face to see others, I have a hard time with sometimes. But God says to be a servant to others partly because it allows thoughs that we are helping to have things that they might not be able to have by themselves and then I believe it's partly because when we are helping others it's keeps our minds off of ourselves and we focus on others.

I feel more like a fool cuz the words that my dad spoke I never would have thought that he would say things like that. I guess I grew up with the blinders on and only seen what I wanted to see. My parents were both abused growing up--mom was both physical and verbal and dad's was emotional abuse. Charlies was emotional and mine was both physical and verbal ummm looks like there's some similarities here. I very proud that I don't do these things to my children but I'm very emotionally and verbally abusive to Charlie. I'm not by no means an affectionate person toward him at all, my kids see this and hear some of the things I say about him and to him. Some of which I have to apologize for cuz the kids don't need to hear it.